I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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