"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
