I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
