Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
