a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
