the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
