I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
