the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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