You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize