There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
