I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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