Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
