careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
