She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
