i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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