Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
