Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
