I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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