Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
