u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
