she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
