apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
