She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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