so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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