At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
