fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
