areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize