Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
not ubering you a puppy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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