so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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