Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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