think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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