Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
