i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dear god my vagina.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
