hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
