im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
