There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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