C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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