I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize