when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
