I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
