No stitches, just platelets and will power
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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