dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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