He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
