do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
