Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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