yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
