i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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