ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's always time for handjobs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
