i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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