i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
