dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
