do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
