WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
