We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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