I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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