so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
