Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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