I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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