my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
