apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
