what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
