I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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