he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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