Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You're a waste of cheezeits
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
