I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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