I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
