I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
