I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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